Chapter Thirty-One: Pining After Stability

Or the essay where Cheyenne assesses and discusses their employment opportunities

Last week, I received an email that I was awesome but wouldn’t be advancing for in the interview process for a job I applied for. I was slightly surprised and angry, due to doing so well on my interview, but at the same time— I wasn’t.

This job market has been fucking terrible. I was one of 400 people who applied for that job, and that truly is a testament to both my skill set (in terms of being selected for an interview) and the state of our economy. I’ve been underemployed for most of my career, but it’s been even tougher after being laid off in October of 2023.

And after almost two years of applying with barely any interviews and the articles where the media finally recognizes that we— especially Black femmes— are in a long-term unemployment and lay off crisis, I am incredibly burnt out and so ready to throw in the towel for procuring full-time work.

After I mulled over my experiences and shook my fists at the skies, I took a moment to sit with my feelings and the reality that a 9-5 job wasn’t my destiny (or even desire). I am a neurospicy and disabled person who really needs flexibility, a controlled, remote environment, and a living wage. I have a master’s degree and a lot of specific expertise and experience which makes me overqualified, and I also really hate following arbitrary rules, regulations and policies. These qualities, coupled with my affinity for creative work, are the ingredients in the perfect recipe for freelancing/consulting/entrepreneurship, but all of bullshit that comes with “being your own boss” be burning ya boi out, too.

What has really been lifting my lace about making money is knowing what I want to do, yet not knowing how to go about it or even how to make money. And I’ll admit— a lot of this is a “me” thing.

I be sitting on my dreams a lot, but there are so many creative endeavors I’d like to pursue that I haven’t due to my own insecurities.

The tv shows I’m writting and want to be a showrunner on, the modeling I want to do, the books I want to publish, the erotic web series I want to star in and direct, and the international DJ tours I want to organize and headline.

I have many dreams I have put on the backburner because I felt I wasn’t or didn’t have enough, but now that the “traditional” route isn’t working for me, it’s time to pursue these things— and do it afraid.

If anybody wants to support me on this journey or work with me, please reach out. I definitely could use all the support and care I can get.

I hate being so tired, talented, and struggling, but I can only do what I can, state my needs and take shit moment by moment

Till next time.